So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
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