So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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