but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
