so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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