what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
