Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
