my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
