Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
