watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
