Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
