Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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