I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
