Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
