Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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