He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
