Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
