the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
