I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize