The maid of honor just puked.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
