I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
