He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
worst night to have a conscience
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
