last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I wish you could order shots online.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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