is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
