in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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