My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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