Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
