She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
