First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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