I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
