I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Actions speak louder than pants.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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