You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
