I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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