Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize