I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize