wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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