the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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