I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize