oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
