We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
