you guys were way drunker than both of me
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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