My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
