I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize