I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
