Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
oh god was she eating orange peels again
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
