don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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