I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize