sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
