Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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