Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Congratulations! We have a period
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