i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize