these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
