I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
