yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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