I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
