honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
