i think i have two assholes
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
