He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
so much tequila, so little girl.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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