I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
