I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
