The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You have to summon your inner elephant
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
