Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
