i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
