I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
