Do vagina's smell?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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