Redeem this text for a blowjob
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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