I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Michael Bay diarrhea
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
