I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
