I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
