my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
