Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
