I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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