i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
