I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
