I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
