so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
