I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
