I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
