Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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