i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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