I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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