I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
