i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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