I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Mom said you looked used
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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