Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Say something about gay babies.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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