you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
