I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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