Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
