$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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