I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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