I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
