my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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