Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize