no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize