Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
