dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
